These days, I mixed up between the emotions of reverence and disgust. Disgust is a strong word, I know, but it has all of that chalked up life-force. It comes in beats per minute. It also washes over us. Today, I think of looking past the dichotomies we perceive in the world. I think about our perceptions, and how when we think we "win," we might be losing in another way. I also think of the "storm before the calm." I wonder where I am located in that equation. I've become numb to it from constant integration and desensitization. It's like the white noise we become accustomed to over time. Sometimes I can't stand the hum of my airconditioner. Then, my agitation disappears, as I somehow create a space.
The other day I dreamt about perfection in the world. There was this music, a melody, created by a little fairy--a feminine force. She sang so that the octaves would gravitate between 211 and 212, whatever that means. She was floating next to a tree. It had visible veins, and the life-blood within was moving upward, against gravity, as if growing toward the heavens. Then, this creature--a death-like being--tainted the veins, adding something "other" to it. Something of a disease. I watched as it inhibited the growth. When I woke, I thought, The storm before the calm. It's as if I understood that the chaos was necessary. The dream shrunk back into the darkness quickly. I couldn't hold on to it. But, before I woke, the last thing I recall of the dream was that I was on the phone with Christina. We were talking about how we "knew" things, kind of like intuition. She said that a certain male did not understand what faculty we used, though she said it in a different way. I made it a point to tell her that "it is logical, though." I woke up. It's logical in a way that can't be explained by logic. It's feminine in nature.
A few days later, I started reading a book called "Biomimicry" by Jane Benyus. It's about technology and innovation based on design we see in nature. Nature is smarter/wiser than we are, and has learned how to sustain itself. She makes it a point to say that we humans think we are the end all of creation, that we are above the food chain, and that nature is there for us to exploit and destroy. It's hard for us to accept that we too are food for something else. According to Benyus, we've gone against nature and are on the brink of disaster, that is, if we do not find a sustainable way to live.
I feel an underlying, constant sense of unease that I choose to avoid at times. We all do. We try to get rid of that unease with our addictions and compulsions. Absence of intimacy and genuine connection is creating a chasm that separates us and god, us and nature, us and reality. We're deluding ourselves. The Buddha was right about Maya and Mara.
I feel stuck in this reality and unable to change anything. The only thing I feel like I can change is my own inner reality. And I know that affects the whole. What gets to me is what I see outside myself. Maybe I need more patience...
I lost my focus. Maybe I never had it...
The other day I dreamt about perfection in the world. There was this music, a melody, created by a little fairy--a feminine force. She sang so that the octaves would gravitate between 211 and 212, whatever that means. She was floating next to a tree. It had visible veins, and the life-blood within was moving upward, against gravity, as if growing toward the heavens. Then, this creature--a death-like being--tainted the veins, adding something "other" to it. Something of a disease. I watched as it inhibited the growth. When I woke, I thought, The storm before the calm. It's as if I understood that the chaos was necessary. The dream shrunk back into the darkness quickly. I couldn't hold on to it. But, before I woke, the last thing I recall of the dream was that I was on the phone with Christina. We were talking about how we "knew" things, kind of like intuition. She said that a certain male did not understand what faculty we used, though she said it in a different way. I made it a point to tell her that "it is logical, though." I woke up. It's logical in a way that can't be explained by logic. It's feminine in nature.
A few days later, I started reading a book called "Biomimicry" by Jane Benyus. It's about technology and innovation based on design we see in nature. Nature is smarter/wiser than we are, and has learned how to sustain itself. She makes it a point to say that we humans think we are the end all of creation, that we are above the food chain, and that nature is there for us to exploit and destroy. It's hard for us to accept that we too are food for something else. According to Benyus, we've gone against nature and are on the brink of disaster, that is, if we do not find a sustainable way to live.
I feel an underlying, constant sense of unease that I choose to avoid at times. We all do. We try to get rid of that unease with our addictions and compulsions. Absence of intimacy and genuine connection is creating a chasm that separates us and god, us and nature, us and reality. We're deluding ourselves. The Buddha was right about Maya and Mara.
I feel stuck in this reality and unable to change anything. The only thing I feel like I can change is my own inner reality. And I know that affects the whole. What gets to me is what I see outside myself. Maybe I need more patience...
I lost my focus. Maybe I never had it...
