Saturday, May 22, 2010

Pinkie, The Elephant

It's time for a very small revolution of reckoning. It's time to state the obvious and name the proverbial pink elephant in the room.

We often choose to ignore reality or to address a more serious issue, for the sake of wanting to protect someone, be it ourselves or others. The hard-to-miss pink elephant flaunts itself, yet we continue unperturbed, often focusing on unimportant and trivial matters. We even create diversions to aid our and others' denial. Perhaps, what needs to be addressed places us in an uncomfortable position, or it "out"s the other. Whatever the case, we must all take a step towards liberating that pink elephant by calling it out.

"You, sir, are a PINK ELEPHANT! Let's have tea!"

Some usual pink elephants include, that one flaming gay who swears he's not gay and follows it with a hair flip; the middle child who always covers her arms and legs to hide tiny scars; the middle-aged woman who pops pills for sleeping, eating, and waking; the twentysomething who buys a BMW but does not file a tax return; the neighbor who somehow ends up with exact tools you're missing and doesn't mind using them in front of you; the girlfriend or wife who talks on the phone in secret, receives random midnight texts, breaks up with you for every little thing, or picks fights with you over "nothing"; the husband who spends an inordinate amount of time in the garage or surfing the internet and becomes angry or aloof each time you greet his behavior with curiosity; the significant other who swears you are cheating, only to project her own indiscretions on to you. The list is endless, for it covers every kind of avoided addiction.

Essentially, a pink elephant is a thing, an issue, that can keep couples from intimacy and individuals from the road to recovery. Not naming the pink elephant is a fail-proof way of destroying what could be healthy relationships. Over time, denial fuels the break-down in communication in couples and healing in individuals. Naming the pink elephant creates a starting point for dealing with the issue at hand. It is a way of knowing and exerting dominion over, in the likes of a steward. It is the opposite of neglect. Soon, naming leads to handling and handling leads to understanding. Change is possible. No longer is there a need to avoid the obvious.

"You can go home now, pink elephant. We don't need you anymore."

Today's Muse

Go hard.

Don't waste your time on people who waste your time.

Wanting and liking are not the same thing. If she's hard to get, trust me, she's not worth it.

No great "catch" wants to 'wrap you around her finger'--a great catch, naturally and without resistance, wraps around yours.

Games are for children. Grow up.

Productively obsess. At will. Passions tend to come to life and create new life when you obsess.

Be willing to pounce on a new opportunity, like the king of the jungle after her prey, even if it means giving up something you're "set" on.

A lived life is built upon roads that twist and turn. Narrow-mindedness leads only to missed opportunities.

Luck is Chance's flexible will. Take a chance!

If it's killing you, quit it!

"Quitting is actually incredibly empowering. It's a reminder that you control the situation. Sometimes it's the bravest option, because it requires you to face your failures." -Tina Seelig

Face your failures. And your fears. Empower yourself to see reality as is. Fantasies are meant for the bedroom.

Desire for control is the handmaiden of the weak. Self-control is characteristic of the strong. However, never underestimate your own impulse control. Some of us just really love chocolate. = )

Narcissism isn't really 'love of self.' In fact, narcissists not only do not love themselves, they hate humanity, starting with their own.

Inevitably, we'll face the decision to either keep doing things our way--when we want and for ourselves--or take into account what others want as well. Mutuality, in keeping with healthy relationship standards, dictates that we sometimes do things purely for the sake of another, despite that it's not what we'd usually do or how we'd usually do it.

Go on! Do that thing because you simply and genuinely want to see another happy.

Happiness is not wanting anything more than what you have.

Ambition is best in small doses. Following through creates the tastiest desserts.


Wednesday, May 12, 2010

On Giving

Giving isn't about ways and opportunities in which you abandon yourself for the sake of another. It is about ways and opportunities in which you give what is most present and connected in you for the sake of another.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

No Absolution, No Pardon

There ain't no destiny about that there choice. No authority will grant you absolution from your obligation to choose for and be yourself. Though you may create the illusion of independence and individuality, your dependence on things you consider greater than your own will keeps you stuck: powerless, yet comfy. You abandon yourself in servitude out of your fear of being responsible for your own life. A simple word like "own" means "possession." So, own it and own up to it. No fortune cookie will pardon you from the charge that you have not been creative and courageous enough to write your own destiny. In the end, you'll die alone. This is both your greatest fear and your only path to salvation. There ain't no destiny about salvation. How fortunate you are to choose!

On Facades

Some people spend most of their time and energy creating facades for those in their lives that don't matter, instead of spending it wisely on those who do. They would rather hide behind a persona that is a seemingly better version of themselves than be exactly whom they are, out in the open. Some people also spend most of their time diverting others' attention away from ways in which they suck and do wrong, instead of being honest and honestly changing. They spend their whole lives focused on one thing: how to hide, without anyone, including themselves, noticing.

Not everyone is so blind or naive or soft. And not everyone has the courage to walk the high road.

Exerpt from The Art of Being

From Erich Fromm's The Art of Being:

"The basis for any approach to self-transformation is an ever-increasing awareness of reality and the shedding of illusions. Illusions contaminate even the most wonderful-sounding teaching to make it poisonous. I am not referring here to possible errors in the teaching. The Buddha's teachings are not contaminated because one does not believe that transmigration exists, nor is the biblical text contaminated because it contrasts with the more realistic knowledge of the history of earth and the evolution of man. There are, however, intrinsic untruths and deceptions that do contaminate teaching, such as announcing that great results can be achieved without effort, or that the craving for fame can go together with egolessness, or that methods of mass suggestion are compatible with independence.

"To be naive and easily deceived is impermissible, today more than ever, when the prevailing untruths may lead to a catastrophe because they blind people to real dangers and real possibilities.

"The 'realists' believe, of those who strive for kindness, that these latter mean well but that they are ingenuous, full of illusions--briefly, fools. And they are not entirely wrong. Many of those who abhor violence, hate, and selfishness are naive. They need their belief in everyone's innate 'goodness' in order to sustain that belief. Their faith is not strong enough to believe in the fertile possibilities of man without shutting their eyes to the ugliness and viciousness of individuals and groups. As long as they do so, their attempts to achieve an optimum of well-being must fail; any intense disappointment will convince them that they were wrong or will drive them into a depression, because they do not then know what to believe.

"Faith in life, in oneself, in others must be built on the hard rock of realism; that is to say, on the capacity to see evil where it is, to see swindle, destructiveness, and selfishness not only when they are obvious but in their many disguises and rationalizations. Indeed, faith, love, and hope must go together with such a passion for seeing reality in all its nakedness that the outsider would be prone to call the attitude 'cynicism.' And cynical it is, when we mean by it the refusal to be taken in by the sweet and plausible lies that cover almost everything that is said and believed. But this kind of cynicism is not cynicism; it is uncompromisingly critical, a refusal to play the game in a system of deception. Meister Eckhart expressed this briefly when he said...'He does not deceive but he is not deceived.'

"Indeed, neither the Buddha, nor the Prophets, nor Jesus, nor Eckhart, nor Spinoza, nor Marx, nor Schweitzer were 'softies.' On the contrary, they were hardheaded realists and most of them were persecuted and maligned not because they preached virtue but because they spoke truth. They did not respect power, titles, or fame, and they knew that the emperor was naked; and they knew that power can kill the 'truth-sayers.'"